Liam denies all knowledge of the Wolls flat tyre

 Phil Westren on his best behaviour

 "C'mon Mark. Gimme a sip of yer Eagle" whines Steeno. Bolty seems mesmerised by the ball levitation trick by Rainsey. "All in the power of the mind" quips Simon.

 Nige' buzzes Security with confirmation that the Pirate Paps are in town

 Des Lynam declares his Cornish allegiences whilst being seeing out with his latest squeeze

 Wake up love. You're on Candid Camera

 Dan's dad waits anxiously for his lad having heard rumour of some rampaging bare knees on the loose

 Rumours become fact as an un-named assailant runs amok in the bar

 ExPat & OPS rise above the Rampant Knees Scandal and celebrate the fact that these old school mates have been re-united after 40 years!

 Simon apprehends a suspect and demonstrates his old all in wrestling prowess

 Sherpa Jan gathers his equipment in readiness of the final assault from Camp 5 to the summit

 Dan runs out hoping that Dad doesn't think it was his knees implicated

  With Security at Amber alert Sir has to respond to Ed's claim that he thinks these particular patellas are the culprits

Mr Newitt decides to give the all clear and resumes the game with a scrum. Ed voices his doubts

 Rainsey has a spiritual moment

 Dickson warms his hands up

 Paves ignores the jibes at his own knees and wonders where the sweets have gone

 Devs on the other hand resents having an ice cream strapped to his ankle. Bleddy comedians. Get mended soon Paul!

 Word gets out that the bag of Starburst has been opened leading to the herd of wilderbeest charging off at half time

 Steve can't help but rubbing it in to Arthur whose half time treat is no better than a trough of cold baked beans

 Over in the commentary box Mark 'Duchyboy' Stevens is caught cold when the live feed switches to Gardeners Question Time, live from the Cricketers. Rhodedendrons are obviously not his strong point

 Back out after half time. Mark thinks he can finish the sweets without anyone noticing. Sam suspects while Scott awaits his chance. Paves meanwhile is deciphering the sensory information without coming to any conclusions

 "Sorry Spade" say Iva. "Whatever' thinks Spade as the thought of some fruity tasting confectionary gets the better of him

 Chris is not only wound up by his unfair yellow, but has now missed out on the sweet handouts

 Nige' consoles Nic Strauss who's baked bean (cold) ration takes its toll

 Iva meanhwile is revitalised by his sugar level boost having mugged Spade of his share of tuck

 Jimmy Moore's burst down the wing is halted as Pritchard revives memories of The Knees

 Winn however uses the distraction to score the equalising points with honourable modesty by hiding behind the posts

 Having arrived in town at 9am, one fans joy is registered at the result

 Crowlas and Winny announce their engagement

 Pirate Bert remains composed with remarkable poise

 Post match. Capn Tim samples the vintage as Rob and Ady look on; clearly out of their depth

 The Emperor Yog engages laser eyes to exert his wrath on a hapless victim

 Unable to resist Yogs influence. Swanjet goes into the finer points of the laws of cricket with Woll Jnr

 Woodhouse has to concede that his knowledge of leg ulcers falls short of that of the Press Gangs own 'Jan Ravens'

 The Phantom Knee Flasher remains at large...........

View a Printer Friendly version of this Story.

Bookmark or share this story with:

• Digg
• Delicious
• Facebook
• Reddit
• Stumbleupon

Related Articles:

• Late Try Winns it for the Pirates

SPORTNETWORK SPECIALS

Cornish Pirates Poll